Feminism

I work in a big building on the University of Illinois' Urbana campus. I have to use the public restrooms that thousands of students also use everyday. This is generally fine (cover and hover!!) and I'm often entertained by the graffiti on the walls in the bathroom (one motivational writer: "keep on going; you'll make it through" next poet: "said the colon to the poo"). This time was different though... The wall was covered with these anti-men and boo to the man words. 

The one that stands out is "virginity is a patriarchal social construct invented by men who thought their penis was so important it changed women forever." Then it is followed by a chorus of "yes." Just outside of this picture is writing that says simply: "men are assholes."
I have such a deep sorrow for these girls. I'm heartbroken that their life experiences have allowed them to have this frame of mind.

To the girl writing in red: I'm so sorry that you feel that way. I'm so sorry that your "losing" your virginity experience was so traumatic that you think it was something made up by someone more powerful than you are. One question though, why do boys and men have virginities to lose as well? And if what you say is true, does that mean that lesbians are all still virgins? (no!)

Merriam-Webster defines a virgin as a person who has not had sexual intercourse OR a person who does not have experience in a particular activity. No mention of penis or vagina or anything else. Your virginity just means that you have done something yet. This is why I hurt for you. I hurt for your victim mentality and your feeling that a "patriarchal social construct" can have an affect on your life. This is why no one likes feminists.
People like this are ruining the name. Feminism is about women being seen as equals to men. It is NOT about women bashing on men and making a united front against them as a whole. That's just as sexist as the men you're complaining about.

One of my biggest pet peeves is "feminists" bashing women for fulfilling traditional roles. Feminism INCLUDES women who WANT to be stay-at-home moms or who want to shave their legs and wear makeup everyday, as well as those who don't. The women's rights movement isn't about women breaking traditional roles; it's about women being allowed to choose whether they want to or not. Instead of bringing certain people down (as is so common with extremists), we're called to bring everyone UP!

To the "men don't change me" girl: Yes! Good for you! Define your own sexuality - don't be a victim. To "my first sexual encounter was still important" girl: Yes! Amen! Even if it was awful (which it was) and you regret who or where or why or how it was done (even just a little): it was still your first time! It means something. And the same goes for men! No reason to create a divide between us. Think of how much harder it is for a guy to be a virgin. Female virgins are desired. Male virgins are ridiculed. It's a broken, hurt society in which we ALL exist. We have to stick together as people, not against each other.

I feel so sorry for the girl who thinks "men are assholes." Men can be assholes! But you're in college, girlfriend! These are boys around you! Boys are assholes. And so are girls. Don't get me wrong, there are terrible, terrible grown up boys out there. But for every terrible male, there is a terrible female as well. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, "1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner." That's not that much different! It's a broken, hurt society in which we ALL exist. We have to stick together as people, not against each other. Either way, I'm so sorry that you don't have a real man in your life who makes you feel safe and comfortable and happy - whether it's a friend, boyfriend, husband, or dad. Everyone needs that. And every man needs a woman to make him feel the same way (again, even if it's non-sexual - a friend or family member!)

That's all I guess...