If you have not read I am Malala: The Girl Who Stood up for Education and was Shot by the Taliban, stop what you're doing and read it.
It's maybe a little dated now, as it was published in 2013 and politics move fast, but it's absolutely worth the time. It goes fast and her story is touching and interesting. I especially appreciated the history and background of Pakistan and its government. You think the US has problems? I mean, it does, but...
Aside from being inspired by Malala and her family's courage and commitment to their cause, this is an extremely important read because of a recent story about a young Muslim boy who was arrested after bringing a homemade clock to school that administrators thought was a bomb. This brings back into light the fear of Muslims (or any brown person wearing a hood or head covering) that white Americans have. Malala's account of the situation in Pakistan and Afghanistan is a great testament to the fact that not every person of a certain religion, culture, skin color, or sexual preference is the same. Not all of us has the same thoughts and opinions about how to live.
Putting all Muslims in the same boat as the Taliban is exactly the same as putting all Christians in the same boat as the Westboro Baptist Church crazies. It's inaccurate and an insult to those who are legitimately trying to do good in the world, no matter their religion or culture. The extremists will always be extreme. Each person and religious group will always interpret their holy books the way that benefits them most. There are powerful and charismatic characters within in each sector of every religion who are able to change the way the people around them think. We hope (and assume) that they are changing people's minds for the better, but this isn't always the case. Malala's book summarizes the conflict better than any news story I've tried to read (maybe because she's 16 while writing this story with Christina Lamb) and does a great job pointing out how much more hurtful war is to civilians than to governments or terrorist groups.
Read it.
Another well known book I read while we were on vacation was Americanah. I was worried about this book when the first chapters introduced separated high school lovers still yearning for each other (despite one being married), but the meat of this book was fantastic. If you are white, you need to read this book. You don't understand what it's like to be black in the United States and you never will, and neither does the main character of this book, as she is an immigrant from Nigeria. Her observations as an outsider living with white people and black people in the US are fantastic and thought provoking. She even throws in the white privilege checklist, which I love to use. I won't put any spoilers in here, but the ending was highly disappointing. The "love" story from the beginning wrapped up at the end and was completely unnecessary. Her stories and experiences merited a great book without a childish romantic backstory. However, still definitely worth a read if you have ever thought that someone might be "pulling the race card" at any point in time.
That's all for now. Will post about vacation soon, too.
Tuesday, September 22, 2015
Wednesday, June 3, 2015
Friday, February 20, 2015
For the record...
This is one (of many) reasons why just #blacklivesmatter is better than #alllivesmatter...
Imagine stopping by your favorite store and seeing 300 options for "normal" hair, something you didn't realize you didn't have! And then a small, tiny section with pictures of people who look like you and have your hair...marked specifically as different from the norm. And this is at #WalMart. There are other stores who don't even have any options for "ethnic" people. Ethnic hair... we've got a long way to go!
Thursday, February 19, 2015
Audrey's health tips
I've been asked a few times lately how I manage to stay so skinny. So I thought I'd put together my habits that seem to be working for me. Now, I will say that I have great genes (thanks to my awesomely healthy parents) and I'm only 26 years old. I know that those things make a big difference. However, I do consciously make a lot of healthier decisions every day to help. These are some things that I do to stay thin. I've attached some articles to help back them up, too. Disclaimer: I'm in no way a medical or nutritional expert. I've worked in the medical field in the past, but these are all tips based off of my personal experiences.
-Eat. Your. Vegetables. I rarely go a meal without at least some sort of veggie in it. Very important: realize that CORN and POTATOES are starches (more like pasta than vegetables). Tomatoes (and tomato sauces) are sugary fruits, NOT vegetables. The greener the better. I'd like to take a second to thank my lovely (and healthy) mother for this habit I'm trying to pass on to my husband. :)
-Hide your snacks! The foods that sit out on our counters at home (and in my office space) are fruits and vegetables. Everything else is hidden away, so I can't be lazy AND snack. Keep the ice cream in the back of the freezer, so you have to dig it out. I'm lucky in that I'm able to ignore something that's hidden away. I know that a lot of people have trouble with constantly thinking about that box of cookies in the cabinet, but you're still less likely to eat them than if they're in an obvious jar out on the counter. Even better, put them in their package inside a ziploc bag, with a rubber band around it. The more annoying it is to get a hold of, the less likely it is you'll grab one as you walk by (6 times).
-Stay encouraged! If you do fall off the band wagon, don't wallow. "Oh man, I had a bad craving and ate 15 Oreos yesterday, I guess I'll just be fat forever..." Don't do it! This is a better response: "Oh man, I had a bad craving and ate 15 Oreos yesterday. That sucks. I'll be sure to eat none today." A good way to avoid downfalls like that is to avoid buying tempting foods. Feel obliged to buy girl scout cookies? Just donate $10 instead! (My husband came up with this plan. I'm still mad.) It's like keeping your ex's phone number on speed dial--why put the temptation so close to you? Buy small packages instead (and not the bulk box of them). Another way to make it harder to overeat unhealthy snacks.
-Drink LOTS of water. Just water. Sorry, not flavored, or bubbly, or anything else. Just water. Have some tea or coffee now and then, but please use milk instead of creamer for those! I have a 20 ounce bottle I keep on me all the time and force myself to empty 3 times throughout the work day (sometimes I end up chugging it at 4:45, but I still do it).
-Don't drink soda. Even (especially) diet soda. I have maybe 3-4 sodas per month. It's almost always with popcorn at a movie, that way it's expensive, I have to share it with Matt, and we're only drinking it for a set amount of time. There is nothing worth anything in a soda. Nothing. Diet soda is still bad for you because of the acidity and....
-Avoid artificial sweeteners! When you're craving something sweet, it's probably because you're low on some sort of nutrient (I've heard lack of minerals causes sweet tooths...sweet teeth?). Eating naturally sweet foods (fresh fruit) can help these cravings as well as replenishing vitamins. When you try to fix that craving with fake sugar, your brain is tricked momentarily. Unfortunately, your body still realizes that you haven't given it what it really wants, so it amps up the craving. Fake sugar only fixes your craving for a moment, then you'll crave something else or something more and end up bingeing on really sugary items instead of just having that original piece of fruit (or square of chocolate). I do break this rule for chewing gum, to save my teeth, but I've heard that even the sweeteners in gum can cause digestive troubles, but I haven't experienced that.
-Try chewing gum when you have a craving. This doesn't always work, but half the time when I'm craving something sweet, I'm really just thirsty, so chewing gum and/or drinking water makes it go away. Make sure that you're not just thirsty when you think you're hungry. However, this does only work half the time. So when you do have a craving, let yourself have just a little! The more you restrict your diet, the worse your craving will get (see above).
-Allow yourself to enjoy sometimes. Any diet that causes you to completely cut out something that makes you feel good will fail. You may lose a bunch of weight while you're on it, but the first thing you'll do when you're off of it is binge and then you'll gain your weight and more back faster than ever. Allow yourself to enjoy the things you love, just don't binge. This goes for alcohol as well. Even a light beer adds up fast if you're chugging them. Just have a few, or stick to vodka water with lemon.
-ALWAYS ask for dressing on the side. We go out to eat a lot. I mean, not as much as some people, but probably 3-4 times per week (ok maybe that's not a lot). It's important to pay attention to serving sizes when eating in a restaurant (meat bigger than your fist is too much!!). If you do a good job and order a salad or a wrap instead of a giant whatever, be sure to always ask for the dressing, or sauce, on the side. Even if you use the entire little container, you'll still end up consuming less of it. Of course, eating a homemade meal is best (as long as you don't use Crisco!).
-Never skip a meal. Ok, never is maybe a stretch, but I usually don't skip meals. I'm pretty strongly anti-meal skipping. It's for the same reason you have to let yourself indulge every now and then. If you skip a meal (or eat multiple meals with no protein), you're just telling your body that there isn't healthy food available and that it needs to keep storing fat. If you're eating good protein-filled meals for every meal, you're signaling to your body that it's ok to burn that fat, because good food is available--no reason to store up. I've always heard you need your weight in pounds divided by two in grams of protein (i.e. 140lbs/2 = 70, so I need about 70ish grams of protein every day), that includes proteins from beans and vegetables, too, not just animal meats. It helps me to make a big egg casserole on a Sunday, then eat it all week for breakfast.
-Try new things! Most people who know me know that I'll try any food. Most of the overweight people I know are very picky. I think that limiting your food options causes you to get into a rut which means you're bored by the "good" foods you eat which leads to eating more of the "bad" foods because you know that they'll taste good. Don't be afraid of tofu, or strange new vegetables. And don't be afraid to admit that you like it (or don't like it), after you've tried it.
-Have sex! Without getting too personal, I'll just give you this article from WebMD to read about the health benefits of being regularly sexually active. By the way, it doesn't count as exercise if you just lay there. If you're having trouble with that, there are also lots of libido boosting foods, as well as sexual psychologists who can help (a LOT of not feeling sexy is all in your head!)! If you're not in a place in life where you can have sex, get to the gym! I've heard good things about other forms of exercise.
-Every movement counts. I always do 20 of something before getting in the shower, every shower, no exceptions. 20 sit ups, 20 burpees, 20 lunges, 20 squats, or 20 "push-ups" (they're in quotes because mine are ridiculously downsized, but it's still movement!). Anything helps. I walk at least 2 miles every day, between walking to and from the bus stop (not driving everywhere helps!) to being incredibly inefficient with my errands around the office (get up to get water, then get up to use the restroom, then get up to go to the printer, then get up for the copier, etc.); I walk as much as possible. Sometimes after using the restroom, I'll go down the stairs and around the whole building before coming back up to my desk. Any little movement is better than no movement.
-ALWAYS take the stairs. There are elevators everywhere...save them for people who need them! I force myself to take the stairs if I'm going up 4 or fewer floors, unless I'm carrying something awkward. I park in the first spot I see at the grocery store (except in subzero temps!) Again, each step is better than no steps.
I think that's about it! A book that I like to recommend is called Mindless Eating by Brian Wansink (a lot of his research happened at UIUC!). It has some really great small step things to help you either lose 5 pounds this year or at least not gain 5 pounds this year. There are a lot of other things that other people do, too, including food-logging. Weight gain can happen when you don't realize how many extra calories you're consuming each day! Keep an informal journal of how you're eating, craving, and moving every day. You'll notice patterns and see some quick fixes shortly. It also helps BIG TIME to have peer support, whether from friends, coworkers, or family members. I'm happy to eat veggies with any of you. :) Good luck!
-Eat. Your. Vegetables. I rarely go a meal without at least some sort of veggie in it. Very important: realize that CORN and POTATOES are starches (more like pasta than vegetables). Tomatoes (and tomato sauces) are sugary fruits, NOT vegetables. The greener the better. I'd like to take a second to thank my lovely (and healthy) mother for this habit I'm trying to pass on to my husband. :)
-Hide your snacks! The foods that sit out on our counters at home (and in my office space) are fruits and vegetables. Everything else is hidden away, so I can't be lazy AND snack. Keep the ice cream in the back of the freezer, so you have to dig it out. I'm lucky in that I'm able to ignore something that's hidden away. I know that a lot of people have trouble with constantly thinking about that box of cookies in the cabinet, but you're still less likely to eat them than if they're in an obvious jar out on the counter. Even better, put them in their package inside a ziploc bag, with a rubber band around it. The more annoying it is to get a hold of, the less likely it is you'll grab one as you walk by (6 times).
-Stay encouraged! If you do fall off the band wagon, don't wallow. "Oh man, I had a bad craving and ate 15 Oreos yesterday, I guess I'll just be fat forever..." Don't do it! This is a better response: "Oh man, I had a bad craving and ate 15 Oreos yesterday. That sucks. I'll be sure to eat none today." A good way to avoid downfalls like that is to avoid buying tempting foods. Feel obliged to buy girl scout cookies? Just donate $10 instead! (My husband came up with this plan. I'm still mad.) It's like keeping your ex's phone number on speed dial--why put the temptation so close to you? Buy small packages instead (and not the bulk box of them). Another way to make it harder to overeat unhealthy snacks.
-Drink LOTS of water. Just water. Sorry, not flavored, or bubbly, or anything else. Just water. Have some tea or coffee now and then, but please use milk instead of creamer for those! I have a 20 ounce bottle I keep on me all the time and force myself to empty 3 times throughout the work day (sometimes I end up chugging it at 4:45, but I still do it).
-Don't drink soda. Even (especially) diet soda. I have maybe 3-4 sodas per month. It's almost always with popcorn at a movie, that way it's expensive, I have to share it with Matt, and we're only drinking it for a set amount of time. There is nothing worth anything in a soda. Nothing. Diet soda is still bad for you because of the acidity and....
-Avoid artificial sweeteners! When you're craving something sweet, it's probably because you're low on some sort of nutrient (I've heard lack of minerals causes sweet tooths...sweet teeth?). Eating naturally sweet foods (fresh fruit) can help these cravings as well as replenishing vitamins. When you try to fix that craving with fake sugar, your brain is tricked momentarily. Unfortunately, your body still realizes that you haven't given it what it really wants, so it amps up the craving. Fake sugar only fixes your craving for a moment, then you'll crave something else or something more and end up bingeing on really sugary items instead of just having that original piece of fruit (or square of chocolate). I do break this rule for chewing gum, to save my teeth, but I've heard that even the sweeteners in gum can cause digestive troubles, but I haven't experienced that.
-Try chewing gum when you have a craving. This doesn't always work, but half the time when I'm craving something sweet, I'm really just thirsty, so chewing gum and/or drinking water makes it go away. Make sure that you're not just thirsty when you think you're hungry. However, this does only work half the time. So when you do have a craving, let yourself have just a little! The more you restrict your diet, the worse your craving will get (see above).
-Allow yourself to enjoy sometimes. Any diet that causes you to completely cut out something that makes you feel good will fail. You may lose a bunch of weight while you're on it, but the first thing you'll do when you're off of it is binge and then you'll gain your weight and more back faster than ever. Allow yourself to enjoy the things you love, just don't binge. This goes for alcohol as well. Even a light beer adds up fast if you're chugging them. Just have a few, or stick to vodka water with lemon.
-ALWAYS ask for dressing on the side. We go out to eat a lot. I mean, not as much as some people, but probably 3-4 times per week (ok maybe that's not a lot). It's important to pay attention to serving sizes when eating in a restaurant (meat bigger than your fist is too much!!). If you do a good job and order a salad or a wrap instead of a giant whatever, be sure to always ask for the dressing, or sauce, on the side. Even if you use the entire little container, you'll still end up consuming less of it. Of course, eating a homemade meal is best (as long as you don't use Crisco!).
-Never skip a meal. Ok, never is maybe a stretch, but I usually don't skip meals. I'm pretty strongly anti-meal skipping. It's for the same reason you have to let yourself indulge every now and then. If you skip a meal (or eat multiple meals with no protein), you're just telling your body that there isn't healthy food available and that it needs to keep storing fat. If you're eating good protein-filled meals for every meal, you're signaling to your body that it's ok to burn that fat, because good food is available--no reason to store up. I've always heard you need your weight in pounds divided by two in grams of protein (i.e. 140lbs/2 = 70, so I need about 70ish grams of protein every day), that includes proteins from beans and vegetables, too, not just animal meats. It helps me to make a big egg casserole on a Sunday, then eat it all week for breakfast.
-Try new things! Most people who know me know that I'll try any food. Most of the overweight people I know are very picky. I think that limiting your food options causes you to get into a rut which means you're bored by the "good" foods you eat which leads to eating more of the "bad" foods because you know that they'll taste good. Don't be afraid of tofu, or strange new vegetables. And don't be afraid to admit that you like it (or don't like it), after you've tried it.
-Have sex! Without getting too personal, I'll just give you this article from WebMD to read about the health benefits of being regularly sexually active. By the way, it doesn't count as exercise if you just lay there. If you're having trouble with that, there are also lots of libido boosting foods, as well as sexual psychologists who can help (a LOT of not feeling sexy is all in your head!)! If you're not in a place in life where you can have sex, get to the gym! I've heard good things about other forms of exercise.
-Every movement counts. I always do 20 of something before getting in the shower, every shower, no exceptions. 20 sit ups, 20 burpees, 20 lunges, 20 squats, or 20 "push-ups" (they're in quotes because mine are ridiculously downsized, but it's still movement!). Anything helps. I walk at least 2 miles every day, between walking to and from the bus stop (not driving everywhere helps!) to being incredibly inefficient with my errands around the office (get up to get water, then get up to use the restroom, then get up to go to the printer, then get up for the copier, etc.); I walk as much as possible. Sometimes after using the restroom, I'll go down the stairs and around the whole building before coming back up to my desk. Any little movement is better than no movement.
-ALWAYS take the stairs. There are elevators everywhere...save them for people who need them! I force myself to take the stairs if I'm going up 4 or fewer floors, unless I'm carrying something awkward. I park in the first spot I see at the grocery store (except in subzero temps!) Again, each step is better than no steps.
I think that's about it! A book that I like to recommend is called Mindless Eating by Brian Wansink (a lot of his research happened at UIUC!). It has some really great small step things to help you either lose 5 pounds this year or at least not gain 5 pounds this year. There are a lot of other things that other people do, too, including food-logging. Weight gain can happen when you don't realize how many extra calories you're consuming each day! Keep an informal journal of how you're eating, craving, and moving every day. You'll notice patterns and see some quick fixes shortly. It also helps BIG TIME to have peer support, whether from friends, coworkers, or family members. I'm happy to eat veggies with any of you. :) Good luck!
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
Feminism
I work in a big building on the University of Illinois' Urbana campus. I have to use the public restrooms that thousands of students also use everyday. This is generally fine (cover and hover!!) and I'm often entertained by the graffiti on the walls in the bathroom (one motivational writer: "keep on going; you'll make it through" next poet: "said the colon to the poo"). This time was different though... The wall was covered with these anti-men and boo to the man words.
The one that stands out is "virginity is a patriarchal social construct invented by men who thought their penis was so important it changed women forever." Then it is followed by a chorus of "yes." Just outside of this picture is writing that says simply: "men are assholes."
I have such a deep sorrow for these girls. I'm heartbroken that their life experiences have allowed them to have this frame of mind.
To the girl writing in red: I'm so sorry that you feel that way. I'm so sorry that your "losing" your virginity experience was so traumatic that you think it was something made up by someone more powerful than you are. One question though, why do boys and men have virginities to lose as well? And if what you say is true, does that mean that lesbians are all still virgins? (no!)
Merriam-Webster defines a virgin as a person who has not had sexual intercourse OR a person who does not have experience in a particular activity. No mention of penis or vagina or anything else. Your virginity just means that you have done something yet. This is why I hurt for you. I hurt for your victim mentality and your feeling that a "patriarchal social construct" can have an affect on your life. This is why no one likes feminists.
People like this are ruining the name. Feminism is about women being seen as equals to men. It is NOT about women bashing on men and making a united front against them as a whole. That's just as sexist as the men you're complaining about.
One of my biggest pet peeves is "feminists" bashing women for fulfilling traditional roles. Feminism INCLUDES women who WANT to be stay-at-home moms or who want to shave their legs and wear makeup everyday, as well as those who don't. The women's rights movement isn't about women breaking traditional roles; it's about women being allowed to choose whether they want to or not. Instead of bringing certain people down (as is so common with extremists), we're called to bring everyone UP!
To the "men don't change me" girl: Yes! Good for you! Define your own sexuality - don't be a victim. To "my first sexual encounter was still important" girl: Yes! Amen! Even if it was awful (which it was) and you regret who or where or why or how it was done (even just a little): it was still your first time! It means something. And the same goes for men! No reason to create a divide between us. Think of how much harder it is for a guy to be a virgin. Female virgins are desired. Male virgins are ridiculed. It's a broken, hurt society in which we ALL exist. We have to stick together as people, not against each other.
I feel so sorry for the girl who thinks "men are assholes." Men can be assholes! But you're in college, girlfriend! These are boys around you! Boys are assholes. And so are girls. Don't get me wrong, there are terrible, terrible grown up boys out there. But for every terrible male, there is a terrible female as well. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, "1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner." That's not that much different! It's a broken, hurt society in which we ALL exist. We have to stick together as people, not against each other. Either way, I'm so sorry that you don't have a real man in your life who makes you feel safe and comfortable and happy - whether it's a friend, boyfriend, husband, or dad. Everyone needs that. And every man needs a woman to make him feel the same way (again, even if it's non-sexual - a friend or family member!)
That's all I guess...
The one that stands out is "virginity is a patriarchal social construct invented by men who thought their penis was so important it changed women forever." Then it is followed by a chorus of "yes." Just outside of this picture is writing that says simply: "men are assholes."
I have such a deep sorrow for these girls. I'm heartbroken that their life experiences have allowed them to have this frame of mind.
To the girl writing in red: I'm so sorry that you feel that way. I'm so sorry that your "losing" your virginity experience was so traumatic that you think it was something made up by someone more powerful than you are. One question though, why do boys and men have virginities to lose as well? And if what you say is true, does that mean that lesbians are all still virgins? (no!)
Merriam-Webster defines a virgin as a person who has not had sexual intercourse OR a person who does not have experience in a particular activity. No mention of penis or vagina or anything else. Your virginity just means that you have done something yet. This is why I hurt for you. I hurt for your victim mentality and your feeling that a "patriarchal social construct" can have an affect on your life. This is why no one likes feminists.
People like this are ruining the name. Feminism is about women being seen as equals to men. It is NOT about women bashing on men and making a united front against them as a whole. That's just as sexist as the men you're complaining about.
One of my biggest pet peeves is "feminists" bashing women for fulfilling traditional roles. Feminism INCLUDES women who WANT to be stay-at-home moms or who want to shave their legs and wear makeup everyday, as well as those who don't. The women's rights movement isn't about women breaking traditional roles; it's about women being allowed to choose whether they want to or not. Instead of bringing certain people down (as is so common with extremists), we're called to bring everyone UP!
I feel so sorry for the girl who thinks "men are assholes." Men can be assholes! But you're in college, girlfriend! These are boys around you! Boys are assholes. And so are girls. Don't get me wrong, there are terrible, terrible grown up boys out there. But for every terrible male, there is a terrible female as well. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, "1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner." That's not that much different! It's a broken, hurt society in which we ALL exist. We have to stick together as people, not against each other. Either way, I'm so sorry that you don't have a real man in your life who makes you feel safe and comfortable and happy - whether it's a friend, boyfriend, husband, or dad. Everyone needs that. And every man needs a woman to make him feel the same way (again, even if it's non-sexual - a friend or family member!)
That's all I guess...
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
Janay Rice
I guess it's normal for blogs to turn into venting spaces as good news and quick things tend to go to social media forums. I, again, am frustrated.
Just finished reading Think No Evil, the story of a shooting in an Amish school in PA in 2006 and the amazing effect that forgiveness can have when one chooses to forgive. This was a quick and fantastic read. So powerful, but painful for those who have lesser issues they've held onto for years. It was good timing for me.
Even more interesting for me, though, was the timing that I read this book and then read articles about Janay Rice. For anyone who doesn't follow sports, she is the wife of an NFL player (a really good one at that) whose husband knocked her out cold on an elevator last spring. He went to court and was given the NFL's usual slap-on-wrist.
Fast forward to yesterday (the day after I finished this book about forgiveness), somehow the media got hold of the elevator security video and suddenly it is ALL OVER. This man punching his wife out cold, then dragging her off of the elevator. Now, I'd like to say that there is no excuse for Ray Rice (the husband/NFL player) to knock his wife out. This is not okay. What is more not okay is the number of people who suddenly think they know about the Rice family's life and what they should be doing. What is not okay is that now that the NFL has seen video evidence, the player's slap-on-the-wrist has turned into indefinite suspension from the entire National Football League. Why the change? Why is it suddenly worse now that there's a video of him hitting her?
Janay has come out in her personal social media accounts saying that she's heartbroken that all of this has been brought back up. She and her family had moved on from this incident, but now it's broken back open and she is getting a LOT of flack for being with him. People are calling her stupid and weak for staying with her abuser.
At the time of the incident, the couple was engaged. They got married shortly after that, and they have a beautiful young daughter together. They have moved on. In the video, it looks like she is angry with him and goes to attack him. He hits her as she lunges towards him. Again, this is not okay. He should not have hit her. At all. Ever. However - maybe this was the only time that has ever happened. Maybe he not only apologized, but has gone to counseling with her. Maybe they are TRULY over it and have real forgiveness in their relationship and have created an incredibly healthy family environment for their daughter because of this incident.
But, maybe they haven't.
That's the issue I have - NO ONE KNOWS. None of the media, or these random men and women who think they are giving her advice have ANY idea what's going on in their lives or their home other than this one incident. Who are we to judge? If my whole scenario is correct, God bless her for being a woman strong enough to forgive and move on. And even him for being man enough to humble himself to the point of accepting forgiveness. If not, then yes, sister, get out of there! But, again, we don't know! It breaks my heart that she is going through all the emotions of this happening again! I wonder if she had seen the video beforehand. And shame on you women who have been through something similar and are judging her for her choice to stay! You have no place judging her choices or the environment her daughter is being raised in. If your husband, who you've known since high school and truly, deeply love and respect cheated on you, would you leave him immediately? It might seem like the right thing to do at first, but would it not cause more hurt to both of you later on? Would you not forgive him if he could find a way to make things right again? I know that I would. I feel for her so, so much, and wish there was something I could do to help.
Another thought I had is what would have happened if their roles were reversed? He's a big guy, but she's not petite. What if they had been fighting in the elevator and she knocked him out when he lunged at her? Self defense, I'm guessing... And people would probably be ridiculing him for letting a woman knock him out. And applauding her for defending herself. Do we really want equality?
"It's a funny ol' world, isn't it?"
Just finished reading Think No Evil, the story of a shooting in an Amish school in PA in 2006 and the amazing effect that forgiveness can have when one chooses to forgive. This was a quick and fantastic read. So powerful, but painful for those who have lesser issues they've held onto for years. It was good timing for me.
Even more interesting for me, though, was the timing that I read this book and then read articles about Janay Rice. For anyone who doesn't follow sports, she is the wife of an NFL player (a really good one at that) whose husband knocked her out cold on an elevator last spring. He went to court and was given the NFL's usual slap-on-wrist.
Fast forward to yesterday (the day after I finished this book about forgiveness), somehow the media got hold of the elevator security video and suddenly it is ALL OVER. This man punching his wife out cold, then dragging her off of the elevator. Now, I'd like to say that there is no excuse for Ray Rice (the husband/NFL player) to knock his wife out. This is not okay. What is more not okay is the number of people who suddenly think they know about the Rice family's life and what they should be doing. What is not okay is that now that the NFL has seen video evidence, the player's slap-on-the-wrist has turned into indefinite suspension from the entire National Football League. Why the change? Why is it suddenly worse now that there's a video of him hitting her?
Janay has come out in her personal social media accounts saying that she's heartbroken that all of this has been brought back up. She and her family had moved on from this incident, but now it's broken back open and she is getting a LOT of flack for being with him. People are calling her stupid and weak for staying with her abuser.
At the time of the incident, the couple was engaged. They got married shortly after that, and they have a beautiful young daughter together. They have moved on. In the video, it looks like she is angry with him and goes to attack him. He hits her as she lunges towards him. Again, this is not okay. He should not have hit her. At all. Ever. However - maybe this was the only time that has ever happened. Maybe he not only apologized, but has gone to counseling with her. Maybe they are TRULY over it and have real forgiveness in their relationship and have created an incredibly healthy family environment for their daughter because of this incident.
But, maybe they haven't.
That's the issue I have - NO ONE KNOWS. None of the media, or these random men and women who think they are giving her advice have ANY idea what's going on in their lives or their home other than this one incident. Who are we to judge? If my whole scenario is correct, God bless her for being a woman strong enough to forgive and move on. And even him for being man enough to humble himself to the point of accepting forgiveness. If not, then yes, sister, get out of there! But, again, we don't know! It breaks my heart that she is going through all the emotions of this happening again! I wonder if she had seen the video beforehand. And shame on you women who have been through something similar and are judging her for her choice to stay! You have no place judging her choices or the environment her daughter is being raised in. If your husband, who you've known since high school and truly, deeply love and respect cheated on you, would you leave him immediately? It might seem like the right thing to do at first, but would it not cause more hurt to both of you later on? Would you not forgive him if he could find a way to make things right again? I know that I would. I feel for her so, so much, and wish there was something I could do to help.
Another thought I had is what would have happened if their roles were reversed? He's a big guy, but she's not petite. What if they had been fighting in the elevator and she knocked him out when he lunged at her? Self defense, I'm guessing... And people would probably be ridiculing him for letting a woman knock him out. And applauding her for defending herself. Do we really want equality?
"It's a funny ol' world, isn't it?"
Friday, August 15, 2014
Laughter...
...is the best medicine. This week has been, just, ugh. I don't want to whine about it, so instead Buzzfeed gave me these Vines that I find awesome:
Chopsticks
Unusual beauty
Too Slow!
Creepy!
So I'll laugh, and not think about anything for another day. TGIF!
Chopsticks
Unusual beauty
Too Slow!
Creepy!
So I'll laugh, and not think about anything for another day. TGIF!
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
Michael Brown
A friend of mine shared this article, America is not for Black People by Greg Howard and it breaks my heart. It breaks my heart because every word that is written is the truth. The saddest thing I see is the trend of
#IfTheyGunnedMeDown which picture would they use? This is based on the fact that Michael Brown was an honor roll student, set to go to college in Engineering the day he was killed, but the picture that was shown by the media was this. The article goes into more detail:
Anyway, that's the danger of the "Single Story." It can cause people to value one life over another with a single image, and it should be the media's responsibility to stop that from happening. They have so.much.power. How can they not see?
So... it's a good and thought-provoking read, but it hurts. As it should....
#IfTheyGunnedMeDown which picture would they use? This is based on the fact that Michael Brown was an honor roll student, set to go to college in Engineering the day he was killed, but the picture that was shown by the media was this. The article goes into more detail:
"After Brown's death came his demonization. First, we heard that Brown had run for stealing candy from a store. Then we were bombarded with a photo of Brown in a red Nike tank top on a stoop, posing for the camera.
EXPAND
This photo, in which Brown was flashing a "gang sign"—a peace sign, actually—was presented as proof that the teenager was a thug; his friends and family now not only have to work through their grief, but against a posthumous slur campaign. Johnson described his friend in an MSNBC interviewas cool and quiet. Brown's uncle, Bernard Ewings, said in a Sunday interview thatBrown loved music. Brown's mother, Leslie McSpadden, said that he was funny and could make people laugh. He graduated from high school in the spring, and was headed to college to pursue a career in heating and cooling engineering. Monday would have been his first day.
By all accounts, Brown was One Of The Good Ones. But laying all this out, explaining all the ways in which he didn't deserve to die like a dog in the street, is in itself disgraceful. Arguing whether Brown was a good kid or not is functionally arguing over whether he specifically deserved to die, a way of acknowledging that some black men ought to be executed."
And that's the issue right there. That, maybe, if this young man was shown as a gangbanger or a thug, somehow his life wouldn't have the same value as another man's life (a cop, specifically). I also appreciate how this author points out how foolish and counterproductive the looters and violent protesters were. Be smarter, people! So frustrating.By all accounts, Brown was One Of The Good Ones. But laying all this out, explaining all the ways in which he didn't deserve to die like a dog in the street, is in itself disgraceful. Arguing whether Brown was a good kid or not is functionally arguing over whether he specifically deserved to die, a way of acknowledging that some black men ought to be executed."
Anyway, that's the danger of the "Single Story." It can cause people to value one life over another with a single image, and it should be the media's responsibility to stop that from happening. They have so.much.power. How can they not see?
Thursday, August 7, 2014
Appropriation and White Guilt
As you may know (sorry/notsorry for my facebook rants), I just finished reading Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee. The book I read just before that was Dancing at Halftime. So, there has been a lot on my mind. Racial injustice always been something close to my heart, but in the past I was only familiar with White Americans causing trouble for Black Americans. I found the White Privilege Checklist (here, if you're unfamiliar) a while back and it really has given me a better prospective on what the issue truly is (at least in the United States, in my opinion).
I also recently learned what appropriation is. In grade school, we dressed up as Native American Indians and Pilgrims for a play. Does that count? We were learning what great friends the new explorers (Columbus, etc) and Indians were! What a happy life for them all. Why didn't we learn about the diseases brought over? Why didn't we learn about the massacres that started when the Indians didn't want to give up their land and move "out of the way"? How come none of us questioned what happened in the years in between the first lovely Thanksgiving, then suddenly we were enemies and those evil Indians were attacking poor settlers who just wanted to make lives for themselves away from the religious persecution of the Motherland?
Why? Because it's UGLY. The history of the United States of America is SO UGLY. I can't come up with one good thing that the US has actually done. I would LOVE for someone to prove me wrong. And don't give me "we abolished slavery!" that doesn't count, because we brought in slavery! None of this "we put a man on the moon!" because that is worthless (sorry NASA). We put a man on the moon because we were worried that Russia was gonna do it first. What else you got for me?
The stories in between the first explorers touching land and the age we now live in is depressing to read, disgusting to think about, and embarrassing to realize is a part of our history.
As a white American, I barely know my ancestry... I know that my paternal great-grandfather immigrated to the US from Switzerland, circa 1900. That's all I know. I've heard rumors that my paternal grandmother is also Swiss. I've heard rumors that "we have Indian blood" on my maternal side. I've also heard that we're related to Andrew Jackson (the Indian-killer). When it comes to heritage, most white Americans are so mixed up and unaware of our roots, we just don't think about them. So when we see others with strong connections to their ancestors, with such rich cultures, I honestly think we feel like something is missing. So, we grab on to what we like from them.
On one hand, I feel like this is a beautiful thing - it could encourage us to be open and accepting of all cultures and to see the beauty in each person's different background. It could encourage every culture to be open to one another. It could encourage cultures to spread and intermingle, instead of segregate. On the other hand, reality's hand, it encourages disrespectful images and usage of items for which they were not intended. While this is by no means the worst racial injustice that happens, it's still a blatant disrespect for others. The frustrating part for me is that, most of the time, people don't realize they're being offensive.
As a long-time resident of the Urbana-Champaign community, I'm well aware of the controversy of using people as mascots. The big argument with the Chief/no-Chief campaign here is that there is a long standing tradition of this symbol "honoring" Native Americans who once resided in this land. The problem with this is the simple fact that children are being educated that Indians are a people of the past. They see these symbols and think it's a cool homage to a great historical people (like Spartans and Vikings). Native Americans who are alive today want to be seen and recognized as REAL people, not just images of the past. I think we'd hear a lot of complaints if we had teams named the Geishas, because Asian Americans should also be seen as a real, current, people.
One of the pro-chief arguments is that people shouldn't worry about being so "p-c" and need to quit being so sensitive. This is something that also crossed my mind. I, and most of the people I spend time with, are not easily offended. We can talk about religions, races, politics, etc. without anyone getting upset. The more I think about it, the more I realize that we don't get offended because we have nothing to be offended about! We have never had any sort of oppression. There was NEVER a time in the US when White people walked down the street and were harassed by Black people for being in the wrong neighborhood. There was never a time when honky was actually meaningful and offensive. Nigger, on the other hand, had power to degrade people. Black people walked into restaurants and were harassed until they left - sometimes physically. White people can't complain about this stuff, because they have no plausibility. That's why we can't understand the desire to be recognized as real people: we've never not been recognized as real people. And before you talk about the problems the Irish faced, please remember that it was more White people who were giving them problems.
I don't get why White people are such assholes! Seriously, didn't the "founding fathers" come here to escape religious persecution? They wanted to be free from the oppression of their government in Europe (right?). So they came here and fought the Native Americans into suppression because, in the words of Nathan Meeker, a Christian missionary sent to "elevate and enlighten" them, "...the Indians could not comprehend the joys of work or the value of material goods." (from Bury My Heart) What?? You mean they were a bunch of non-Jesus-knowing communist hippies who actually enjoyed their day-to-day lives? Kill 'em all! Force them from nomadic lifestyles into working all day everyday. Oh, and introduce whiskey to them! So helpful. It's embarrassing! Thus the white guilt that seeps in deeper and deeper. The issue with white guilt, just like any other guilt, is that very little ever actually comes from it. If anyone has a suggestion for what to do with all of it, please let me know.
I'd love to have a real discussion about this, so please post comments and thoughts about all of this! Especially some good things the US government has done. Also, maybe a suggestion for a light, hilarious read to counter these past two...
I also recently learned what appropriation is. In grade school, we dressed up as Native American Indians and Pilgrims for a play. Does that count? We were learning what great friends the new explorers (Columbus, etc) and Indians were! What a happy life for them all. Why didn't we learn about the diseases brought over? Why didn't we learn about the massacres that started when the Indians didn't want to give up their land and move "out of the way"? How come none of us questioned what happened in the years in between the first lovely Thanksgiving, then suddenly we were enemies and those evil Indians were attacking poor settlers who just wanted to make lives for themselves away from the religious persecution of the Motherland?
Why? Because it's UGLY. The history of the United States of America is SO UGLY. I can't come up with one good thing that the US has actually done. I would LOVE for someone to prove me wrong. And don't give me "we abolished slavery!" that doesn't count, because we brought in slavery! None of this "we put a man on the moon!" because that is worthless (sorry NASA). We put a man on the moon because we were worried that Russia was gonna do it first. What else you got for me?
The stories in between the first explorers touching land and the age we now live in is depressing to read, disgusting to think about, and embarrassing to realize is a part of our history.
As a white American, I barely know my ancestry... I know that my paternal great-grandfather immigrated to the US from Switzerland, circa 1900. That's all I know. I've heard rumors that my paternal grandmother is also Swiss. I've heard rumors that "we have Indian blood" on my maternal side. I've also heard that we're related to Andrew Jackson (the Indian-killer). When it comes to heritage, most white Americans are so mixed up and unaware of our roots, we just don't think about them. So when we see others with strong connections to their ancestors, with such rich cultures, I honestly think we feel like something is missing. So, we grab on to what we like from them.
On one hand, I feel like this is a beautiful thing - it could encourage us to be open and accepting of all cultures and to see the beauty in each person's different background. It could encourage every culture to be open to one another. It could encourage cultures to spread and intermingle, instead of segregate. On the other hand, reality's hand, it encourages disrespectful images and usage of items for which they were not intended. While this is by no means the worst racial injustice that happens, it's still a blatant disrespect for others. The frustrating part for me is that, most of the time, people don't realize they're being offensive.
As a long-time resident of the Urbana-Champaign community, I'm well aware of the controversy of using people as mascots. The big argument with the Chief/no-Chief campaign here is that there is a long standing tradition of this symbol "honoring" Native Americans who once resided in this land. The problem with this is the simple fact that children are being educated that Indians are a people of the past. They see these symbols and think it's a cool homage to a great historical people (like Spartans and Vikings). Native Americans who are alive today want to be seen and recognized as REAL people, not just images of the past. I think we'd hear a lot of complaints if we had teams named the Geishas, because Asian Americans should also be seen as a real, current, people.
One of the pro-chief arguments is that people shouldn't worry about being so "p-c" and need to quit being so sensitive. This is something that also crossed my mind. I, and most of the people I spend time with, are not easily offended. We can talk about religions, races, politics, etc. without anyone getting upset. The more I think about it, the more I realize that we don't get offended because we have nothing to be offended about! We have never had any sort of oppression. There was NEVER a time in the US when White people walked down the street and were harassed by Black people for being in the wrong neighborhood. There was never a time when honky was actually meaningful and offensive. Nigger, on the other hand, had power to degrade people. Black people walked into restaurants and were harassed until they left - sometimes physically. White people can't complain about this stuff, because they have no plausibility. That's why we can't understand the desire to be recognized as real people: we've never not been recognized as real people. And before you talk about the problems the Irish faced, please remember that it was more White people who were giving them problems.
I don't get why White people are such assholes! Seriously, didn't the "founding fathers" come here to escape religious persecution? They wanted to be free from the oppression of their government in Europe (right?). So they came here and fought the Native Americans into suppression because, in the words of Nathan Meeker, a Christian missionary sent to "elevate and enlighten" them, "...the Indians could not comprehend the joys of work or the value of material goods." (from Bury My Heart) What?? You mean they were a bunch of non-Jesus-knowing communist hippies who actually enjoyed their day-to-day lives? Kill 'em all! Force them from nomadic lifestyles into working all day everyday. Oh, and introduce whiskey to them! So helpful. It's embarrassing! Thus the white guilt that seeps in deeper and deeper. The issue with white guilt, just like any other guilt, is that very little ever actually comes from it. If anyone has a suggestion for what to do with all of it, please let me know.
I'd love to have a real discussion about this, so please post comments and thoughts about all of this! Especially some good things the US government has done. Also, maybe a suggestion for a light, hilarious read to counter these past two...
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Thursday, January 3, 2013
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